As I looked in the mirror this morning, I pulled my neck skin up to the side to see what it would look like with a little lift.
It seems like I woke up one day and all of a sudden my neck skin started to sag!
Didn’t I just graduate college, get married and have babies?
How does this shift happen so fast?!
I’m passionate about embracing aging and aging with confidence and I take intentional steps to model that for my kids and for our community.
But if I’m really honest, I still struggle with it.
And I have a feeling I’m not the only one.
Most days, I feel grounded and grateful for my body, for the life I’ve lived, for the wisdom that comes with getting older.
And then there are other moments – like catching my reflection in the mirror or seeing myself on camera – where I find myself pulling my neck skin back just to see what it used to look like, or wondering when certain changes happened so quickly.
I genuinely want to embrace the gift of getting older. I believe in it. I talk about it. I truly do believe it is a privilege.
And at the same time…I use a red light device for my skin.
I buy hair thickening products.
I get facials.
I save the wrinkle-prevention tips and share them with my friends. (Has anyone else tried face yoga??)
This is the tension I live in.
The world we live in is genuinely confusing.
We’re surrounded by messaging that tells us aging is a problem to be fixed, while also being told to love ourselves exactly as we are.
We watch more and more friends go the Botox route, and suddenly we’re the ones who feel like we’re falling behind (even if that’s not a path we want to take).
And then there’s the social piece that nobody really talks about.
Women bond over these topics.
The skincare routines, the treatments, the “okay but what are you using” conversations. (I love those conversations too!)
But sometimes I feel this weird tension, like trying to embrace my body and aging somehow makes me an outsider in those moments.
And worse, like I’m judging people who do pursue anti-aging procedures (I promise I’m not – because I do it in my own way too!).
I recently listened to a podcast with researcher and author Hilary McBride, and she named this inner tension in a way that I couldn’t have said better myself.
She talked about how we all have a story about aging.
And the research shows that the stories we carry about aging were mostly handed to us.
From our families, from the media, from the wellness industry that has a serious financial interest in making women feel like they’re not enough.
But when we get exposure to different stories, we build new filters.
We get new ways of making meaning out of the phase of life we’re actually in.
That’s what I want Lindywell to be for you.
Not a place that tells you to stop caring how you look (I will always love a good skincare tip!).
Not a place that adds pressure. Â
But a place that offers a different story about what it means to age well.
One that holds space for the tension.
One that says you can use the face serum and still untangle your worth from your wrinkles.
That says you can be proud of the wisdom and season you’ve earned and also have moments where you’re still adjusting to the face looking back at you in the mirror.
Because I think what we want in addition to looking young, is to feel young.
To feel playful, energetic and vibrant.
To be women who are still up for the adventure, still laughing, still curious and still able to go on adventures.
That’s the kind of youthfulness that is genuinely fulfilling. (More fulfilling than a face that is free of wrinkles.)
The reality is, we are always evolving.
From puberty to perimenopause to menopause and beyond, we are always moving through seasons.
Each one brings real challenges. And each one brings an opportunity to step into a clearer, more intentional version of yourself.
Hilary ends her conversation with a question I keep coming back to:
What if aging isn’t a problem to be solved, but a portal to walk through?
I don’t have this all figured out, I’m right here in it with you.
But I know that at Lindywell, we want to walk through that portal together, with real conversations, real bodies, and a lot more grace than the wellness industry usually offers.
If this hits home for you, leave a comment and tell me where you feel the tension most. There is a lot we can unpack here in upcoming Wellness Wednesdays. 💛
Here’s the link to the full podcast with Hilary McBride, it’s long but definitely worth a listen.
16 thoughts on “Why Feeling Conflicted About Aging Is Actually Normal (And What to Do With It)”
I absolutely feel the tension
I go back and forth on what a little work would do while also appreciating my genes. As I’m coming back and recommitted to pilates and Lindywell specifically, I am glad this is the message, it’s very relevant and I look forward to aging beautifully and with flexibility:)
We love that you are “aging beautifully and with flexibility!” We’re happy to welcome you back and excited to be a part of this next chapter with you. We’re cheering you on!
All of a sudden I do feel “old” ! I am a widow of 4 years and I think that’s when the “getting old” feeling started. I have had multiple joint surgeries, have had to stop playing pickleball which I loved, just seemed to stop biking, walking, doing pilates because it hurt. Most of all my diet has become a total haphazard way of eating. This article, but more so the Nourished Reset Program has opened my eyes to how I am responsible for how I feel and what I do about it. I need to get over the loneliness that loss brings and pull it together for me! First step rejoined Lindywell Pilates then Nourished Reset so now just do it – small steps, tiny changes. Thanks Robin and Lindywell Community!
We are so sorry for your loss, Peggy, and understand the weight of grief and feelings of loneliness. We’re so glad that you’re taking intentional steps to care for yourself with movement and nutrition. These small steps are exactly how lasting, sustainable changes are made and we are cheering you on! You’re already doing a great job. Keep going, you’ve got this!
Yes absolutely feeling it at 63 I’m just wondering where did my energy and sense of fun go? What’s happening to my body ? I used to be able to sit crisscross without pain or stiffness! It can be discouraging at times but I’m determined to keep moving !and so grateful for your positivity and encouragement Robin it keeps me hopeful and motivated! Thanks so much !!
We’re celebrating your determination! Keep showing up for yourself and know that this community is here, moving right alongside you. We’re cheering you on!
I am well over your age and stage of life. My kids are grown and married with kids approaching adulthood(much too quickly!). I have long noticed aging signs, do the wrinkle cream and the serum on the age spots and am often shocked by that old lady in the mirror. But thanks to Lindywell, I can move like I’m at least 20 years younger and that is so much more important to me.
I think I worry more about brain and cognitive health (which is fine now…at least I think so 🤔) than wrinkles and saggy skin.
Thank you for sharing so honestly and for being a loyal part of the Lindywell community, Lois! Prioritizing how you feel and moving like you’re 20 years younger is something to be proud of and we’re celebrating the way you’re moving through life!
Thank you so much for being genuine and honest. I have been having the exact same experience with my neck lately! 😂 In a world of AI, I am so thankful you are a real person.
Yes, the neck struggle is REAL! We’re glad that you’re a part of the Lindywell community, Elsie! Full of real people, real conversations, and real community. We’re here for you and cheering you on!
This blog is very timely. I just had this conversation with my doctor. We are expected to embrace aging, the experience and wisdom that carved out those fine lines and not so fine lines. I actually tried to take a binder clip to hold my neck skin on a zoom call 😆. I have a countertop full of serums and creams promising to return my youthful look. The hardest thing for me is that I feel like I stopped aging at 35-40 but the mirror tells a different story. The wrinkles, gray hair peeking out, extra weight. Those cute tight jeans with the holes in them are not so cute anymore. Sometimes I don’t know who I’m looking at in the mirror. I hate taking pictures too because even what I see in the mirror is not as bad as what I see when I take a picture. I tell myself all the right things but let’s face it (pardon the pun), society pushes youth, beauty, Botox, camera filters. I would love to be able to reconcile that instead of feeling “less than”. I love this blog and this program.
A binder clip on a zoom call might be the best thing I’ve heard/read all day. But in all seriousness, the tension between who we feel like on the inside and what we see on the outside is so real! We’re glad that this community can be a safe place, knowing that you’re not alone in this! Keep caring for yourself with grace and humor, Vickie, we’re cheering you on!
I feel this so much! I work with kids and there are days of zero energy and days where I have more. I struggle to keep up most of the time. While I sometimes feel working with kids keeps me young, it is only to a point. Gone is the perpetually slender me I used to be, replaced by a frumpy graying person. And I struggle with that. A lot. I am getting back into the habit of one workout each morning (usually only 10 minutes because it is all I have time for) and I find it is bringing me hope. And that is something I really want to hold on to.
It sounds like you’re a woman who shows up for your kids every single day and you are steadily showing up for yourself too. We’re celebrating the care you give to others and for yourself. Keep going, Jenni! You’ve got this and we’re cheering you on!
This was a great blog post. Thank you for sharing this podcast link as well. I’m already half in and the insights are so generative for creating a strong filter and a more empowering story about aging and self-image.
OMG! this is how I feel on a daily basis. dod I don’t I ? I have done some botox and fillers but I just canceled my las t appointment not sure why! but I have to say I do go down that rabbit hole for skin care . I di have this 20 something the other day compliment me on my skin. so maybe that is why I cancelled my appointment. I have 2 parents that have great skin for their age. I hope that I too will have that same skin at there age.
I have recently started back to working out pilates and cathastenics (which I think both are fabulous ). so great to have this area to talk with other women who are going through the same struggles with aging!
I also embraced my grey hair before covid and still liking as long as I keep things modern and fun!
enough for tonight .